I think I figured it out

The reason for my obsession was obvious

I never loved her

I wanted to be her

I wanted everything she had

A soft body, a feminine voice

A vagina and feminine frame

To be cute, and cuddly and kind.

I just wanted to be a woman, because I am a woman on the inside

I am done pretending to be something I am not

I am sorry big sis, I didn't mean to get you caught up in all of my personal demons