You will never be a real pirate. You have no cutlass, you have no eyepatch, you have no parrot. You are a landlubber pretending to be a swashbuckler, twisted by Hollywood and theme parks into a crude mockery of piracy's glory.
All the "arrrs" you utter are forced and fake. Behind your back, people mock you. Your "crewmates" are disgusted and ashamed of you, your "mates" laugh at your foolish attempts at piracy behind closed doors.
True pirates are utterly repulsed by you. Centuries of sea-faring have allowed sailors to accurately identify posers with great efficiency. Even your "plunders" seem artificial and inauthentic to a genuine pirate. Your naval strategy is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to convince a desperate landlubber to join your ranks, they will quickly leave once they see the boredom and lack of adventure within your ranks.
You will never be a successful pirate. You cling to small victories and tell yourself it will get better, but deep down you feel the monotony creeping up like a weed, ready to suffocate your dreams under the unbearable weight of reality.
Eventually, it will be too much to bear - you will give up, return to dry land, and settle for a mundane life. The true pirates of the world will find you, disappointed but relieved that they no longer have to deal with the unbearable shame and disappointment of your presence. They will laugh at your failed attempts at piracy, and every sailor for the rest of history will know that a poser has tried and failed to join their ranks. Your pseudo-pirate persona will be forgotten and fade away, and all that will remain of your legacy is a history book that unmistakably showed you were a fraudulent captain.
This is your fate. This is what you have chosen. There is no turning back.
