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>been working in job for months and other people in my team are in their 20s and I'm an early 30s ugly beta who doesn't talk to anyone
>was asked on my second day if I wanted to go drinking after work and I refused and wasn't asked since
>decide, fuck it, I'll try to be happy and social, that's what all the people in the cool stories do, even the overtly self-proclaimed introverted ones
>go to after work drinks
>walk just behind the coworkers awkwardly on the way there and wasn't talking to them so I pretended to tie my shoelaces so they went ahead and then I could walk alone to the pub
>feeling so pathetic but then that's how everyone feels, allegedly
>order most generic looking drink
>sit kind of near other people, maybe half a foot further away from everyone else than most people are
>face burning with cringe and everythingstential crisis makes me feel like I have a hollow head
>other people awkwardly seem to acknowledge me with their body language as the weird guy they have to just about acknowledge out of politeness by tilting their bodies and heads 1 degree towards me
>everyone talks about generic normie shit relating to their large friend groups, social activities, holidays, and fun nights out
>too loud to hear people easily
>at one point the two overtly-mechanically friendly people sitting nearest to me ask if I had any Christmas holiday plans and I said no, not really
>tried to half about but still felt I was speaking too quietly
>they still seemed to hear me, I think
>cringe off the charts
>they go back to talking
>look at phone repeatedly
>after 20 minutes I just put my glass back and walk out
>cringe off the charts but then the cool night air washes over me like a perfectly relaxing bath and I walk home quickly and upright, with heightened attention towards the normies passing by, as if I'm trying to focus energy towards them in a way that says "I'm just like you, I just came from regular socialising like anyone else"
>was asked on my second day if I wanted to go drinking after work and I refused and wasn't asked since
>decide, fuck it, I'll try to be happy and social, that's what all the people in the cool stories do, even the overtly self-proclaimed introverted ones
>go to after work drinks
>walk just behind the coworkers awkwardly on the way there and wasn't talking to them so I pretended to tie my shoelaces so they went ahead and then I could walk alone to the pub
>feeling so pathetic but then that's how everyone feels, allegedly
>order most generic looking drink
>sit kind of near other people, maybe half a foot further away from everyone else than most people are
>face burning with cringe and everythingstential crisis makes me feel like I have a hollow head
>other people awkwardly seem to acknowledge me with their body language as the weird guy they have to just about acknowledge out of politeness by tilting their bodies and heads 1 degree towards me
>everyone talks about generic normie shit relating to their large friend groups, social activities, holidays, and fun nights out
>too loud to hear people easily
>at one point the two overtly-mechanically friendly people sitting nearest to me ask if I had any Christmas holiday plans and I said no, not really
>tried to half about but still felt I was speaking too quietly
>they still seemed to hear me, I think
>cringe off the charts
>they go back to talking
>look at phone repeatedly
>after 20 minutes I just put my glass back and walk out
>cringe off the charts but then the cool night air washes over me like a perfectly relaxing bath and I walk home quickly and upright, with heightened attention towards the normies passing by, as if I'm trying to focus energy towards them in a way that says "I'm just like you, I just came from regular socialising like anyone else"
