In the grim darkness of the 41st millennium, there is only war. You are part of the Imperial Guard, the hammer of the Imperium. A guardsman's life is to die, and your superiors have sent you to die in /bant/anus. This planet can be described as the most Emperor-forsaken shithole in the galaxy.
An Ork incursion has forced the local Planetary Defence Force to call for assistance from the Imperial Guard. Your platoon is one of many ordered to take a trench and hold the line. Fortunately, holding the line is what the Imperial Guard do best; the Commissar with his bolt pistol trained at the back of your heads will ensure that...
A far greater threat looms in orbit, however. A long-forgotten Xenos race with advanced weaponry also seeks to claim the /bant/anus as their own. What could they possibly want? Find out in this episode of Arume Survival: Only War Edition!
Rolling will now be done on our Discord, which can be found here:
https://discord dot gg/p75McE
If you are not in the discord, then the GM will roll in your stead. This is to prevent people using the catalog to cheat.
Depending on the difficulty of the roll, you will be required to get a number under 50. Dubs will count as an automatic success. You can reroll a failed test twice per session, but feats of heroism, bravery and good RP may increase that cap. If you die, you must wait until next thread, so don't act rashly.
Ready? Let's go
(As a side note, I am away from my main computer, and as such, am unable to access the majority of my images.)
Private Dan
Quoted By:
Private Dan here
Game Master
Quoted By:
Archives
Episode 1:
https://archive.nyafuu.org/bant/thread/1499403/#q1499403 Episode 2:
https://archive.nyafuu.org/bant/thread/1509706/#q1509706 Episode 3:
https://archive.nyafuu.org/bant/thread/1587724/#q1587724 In the last episode, the Fuck Ups went back to their trench, which is now in ruins. Noobsiuss revealed the reality of the situation to Loli Commissar, who claimed that she was actually their former Commissar before the warp impostor got sucked into the warp (it's complicated, I know.) Noobsius then proceeded to make her cry (what a dick!) and she ran off into a booby-trapped forest.
The Commissar was saved by a passing squad of very green Space Marines, and helped the Fuck Ups fend off a horde of nurglings by doing absolutely nothing. Hammond, in a fit of rage, betrayed Xenosbane by stabbing him with a chainsword. Noobsiuss used this chaos to denounce the Imperium and attempt to create his own, lesser imperium. The Astartes grabbed the remaining loyalists and dashed towards their encampment with utmost haste. Two weeks have passed since then...
Game Master
You arrive at a bar, summoned by Battle Brother Bushwakka, to collect your Commissar. If the five stages of grief are to be referenced, she's been in depression for over two weeks.
Pvt.Jim
Quoted By:
>>1741284 "Hmm..."
>Take a seat next to the commisar "Hey Com mind I get a bit of your time?"
Corporal Hammond
Noobsiuss
>>1741486 "i think we must get more bombs... it is needed for the upcoming war..." i say whether anyone hears me or not.
i start walking around hoping to find civilization in this forest
Game Master
She lifts her head up, revealing that her face is caked with crumbs, most likely from the half-eaten meat pie that is next to her.
Lieutenant Hammond
Quoted By:
>>1741693 >Follow this nigger Game Master
>>1741688 Hammond wakes up, having slept well despite, or because of, his earlier betrayal. >>1741693 He sees Noobsiuss wandering around in no particular direction. Pvt.Jim
>>1741694 "I'll take that as a yes."
>Clear throat "You know you can't keep living like
this.It 's bad for your health and the Imperium."
Lieutenant Hammond
>>1741710 >Try to look for arume settlements >Make a white flag with whatever shit i can find Noobsiuss
>>1741710 "well shit... it seems i can not find any civilization... perhaps i should just call the comissars men and pretend i'm with them again..." i call the the space marines and ask for their location
Halton
Xenosbane
Game Master
>>1741718 's not like there's much to do. *hic* A Commissar leads guardsmen, not Space Marines. Only time that a Commissar's ever lead Space Marines is another one of Raege's student, but that was a one-off case...>>1741731 Hammond sees no Arume settlements, and the only thing that could possibly serve as a white flag is his guard-issue briefs... if he's okay with having a brown streak down his "white" flag. >>1741737 Noobsiuss tries to vox the Space Marines, and managed to successfully contact a very grumpy one."Wut do ya zoggin' want, ya git?"
>>1741812 Xenosbane wakes up in what seems to be a field hospital, with an intimidating apothecary towering over him, holding a needle.
"It's gonna 'urt a lot, but you'll be bettah, you'll see," he says, giggling madly. "The name's Bonefixa, by the way."
>>1741788 Halton also finds himself in the field hospital, with many chapter serfs tending to him and definitely not rooting through his pockets.
Lieutenant Hammond
>>1741879 >Look for more arume settlements >Don't use muh pants as a flag Halton
>>1741879 >Try to Kill myself Noobsiuss
>>1741879 "yes, this is noobsiuss... i need some bombs, more specifically c4 type bombs. where can i get them? do you do delivery?"
Xenosbane
>>1741879 "Where the fuck am I, what are you doing with that needle, and are you loyal to the emperor or not?"
>get up and walk to the door Pvt.Jim
>>1741879 "Well....a few of us are still guardsmen including myself.Though it may be little you can still lead that small group and bring us to victory."
Private Dan
>>1741879 Demand we should destroy the arume. They probably did it
Steelhead, the canadian loli
Steelhead, the canadian loli ID:1NUk3sAj Thu 10 Aug 2017 00:35:38 No. 1742045 Report >>1741284 >He wakes up >Feels the scense of good rp >Remembers when they came from mars >Readies his drone killin chainsaw Game Master
>>1741917 Bonefixa sinks the needle into Xenosbane's arm, injecting a noxious fluid. Xenosbane feels immense pain, but is able to fight through it, getting up.
"Dis is da best batch uv fightin' juice that I've made in a while! Go and see the rest uv yer boyz, and see me if you feel funny in da morning!"
Xenosbane walks out of the field hospital and out into the encampment.
>>1741905 The chapter serfs start yelling. "Boss! Boss! Da git iz tryin' da off imself!"
The apothecary swats them aside and injects Halton with a dose of noxious fluid. (Roll for willpower.)
>>1741911 "Zog off, we'z not a delivery service," the voice roars.
>>1741894 Hammond looks for Arume settlements, but sees none.>>1741927 The Commissar sighs and slumps back in her chair."Guardsman, the strength of the Imperial Guard is in numbers. The best thing to do is let the Astartes do their part for the Imperium, for we will hardly make a difference. In fact, we will probably end up getting in their way."
>>1742007 One of the Space Marines with broken teeth pipes up. "We'z gonna krump em later, but you can't blame everything on dem Arume gits."
>>1742045 (A melee specialist, then?)
Steelhead comes across the Space Marine's encampment, laspistol and chainsword in hand.
(Also, only techpriests come from mars.)
Xenosbane
Quoted By:
>>1742132 >grab chainsword >walk back into the encampment "What is fighting juice? Some kind of ork drug?"
Noobsiuss
>>1742132 "yare yare daze... i can come and pick some up, this is noosbiuss, the fake comissar knows me. gib location you oaf."
Lieutenant Hammond
>>1742132 >Keep looking there's bound to be a settlement not far Pvt.Jim
>>1742132 "Fine be that way."
>Order a drink for her then fuck off "I'll be back later."
>Explore the new base Private Dan
>>1742132 Tell the commissar that commissars shoot guardsmen for that talk and follow jim
Anonymous
>>1742132 >He walks into the encampment, hoping to find something to do, something to eat, perhaps Game Master
>>1742176 "We'z not a charity; you'z gonna 'ave to pay fer what you get."
>>1742183 Hammond manages to see an Arume encampment off in the distance as night falls.
>>1742185 The Commissar stares into the tankard with a blank expression. >>1742219 Jim says his farewell, and Dan leaves with a snide remark. As they leave, they can hear the Commissar sobbing, followed by a loud thud and another Astartes shouting.
"My teef! She punched out me zoggin' teef!"
>>1742280 Steelhead walks into the encampment and sees the pub. The bartender ushers him inside.
"Here, take some squig pie and a tankard of beer on da 'ouse! If you can just get dat git out of 'ere, I'll give you as much as you want fer an 'ole year!"
Lieutenant Hammond
>>1742353 >creep up on it >Tries to get some paper and write in it "DONT SHOOT I AM A FRIEND AND I CAN HELP YOU AGAINST THE HUMANS. SIGNED: A HUMAN"
>Throw into their camp Pvt.Jim
>>1742353 "Alright that's it!"
>Walk back in and slap some sense into the commisar,literally "Get a hold of yourself!"
Noobsiuss
>>1742353 "well fine then, thanks for the info."
i follow hammond.
>>17423761 "now... the hard part."
i wait for a response
Private Dan
>>1742353 help private jim a little bit but ready to stop any further violence
Xenosbane
>>1742353 >Find my chainsword >Try to find a stub revolver as well Lolihead, the canadian steel
Lolihead, the canadian steel ID:1NUk3sAj Thu 10 Aug 2017 01:24:24 No. 1742528 Report >>1742353 >He walks towards the troublesome individual >Asks him to leave, roll persuasion Game Master
>>1742376 Hammond throws a sheet of paper up and it fails to clear the outer walls. Luckily, a gust of wind picks it up and the note makes it over the wall.
>>1742391 Noobsiuss and Hammond await a response.
>>1742389 >>1742433 Jim and Dan walk back into the pub. Jim slaps the Commissar out of her seat, spilling her drink and toppling her over like a sack of tubers.
"Hello again, guardsman," she says with a glazed over look in her eyes.
>>1742452 Xenosbane walks out into the encampment and is called over by a techmarine.
"Oi! Get over 'ere, ya grot! I'z made sum modificayshuns to yer choppa. I also made a six-shoota for you at use. On me!"
(Six-shoota will do more damage on hit. Chainsword will now do more damage with each consecutive successful hit in an encounter.)
>>1742528 She raises her arms, still on the ground and clearly drunk.
"Drag me."
Lieutenant Hammond
>>1742586 >Wait for response Anonymous
>>1742586 pick up the commissar out of the bar and find a source of water to remove the hangover
Private Dan
>>1742602 im such a faggot forgot name again
Noobsiuss
>>1742586 start planting bombs around us. like a 10 meter radius. also these ones can only be triggered by a remote detonation by me.
Pvt.Jim
>>1742586 >Pick her up by her collar and raise her high "Dear god woman how long do you intend on acting like this!"
Demented Doug
>>1741284 >he walks in with an attitude >he feels like a chad Well hello everyone!
Lolihead, the canadian steel
Lolihead, the canadian steel ID:1NUk3sAj Thu 10 Aug 2017 01:39:24 No. 1742710 Report Quoted By:
>>1742586 >He sees the girl, scratches his neckbeard >"As you wish, m'lady" >With the beer on hand, he helps the lady get up, and gets her outside Xenosbane
>>1742586 "An emperor blessed day to you, my tech marine comrade!"
>go out and try to find some heresy to exterminate Game Master
>>1742619 Noobsiuss plants explosives in a ten metre radius around themselves. They are hurriedly placed, and may detonate on impact with a projectile.
>>1742593 A small patrol of Arume come outside, armed to the teeth. They raise their weapons at you and bark out an order.
"State your business, human!"
>>1742666 >>1742609 >>1742675 Jim, Dan and Steelhead drag the Commissar out towards a trough of water. You can hear the pub's patrons cheering their gratitude as you walk through the door. Jim grabs her collar and raises her up to try and talk sense into her.
"Dear god, woman, how long do you intend on acting like this!" He shouts.
The Commissar says nothing as she raises her hands to her mouth and regurgitates a foul-smelling liquid with chunks of mushroom, soiling both of their uniforms.
>>1742675 >>1742798 You see the encampment, dimly lit by haphazardly placed torches. Large, humanoid behemoths lumber around in thick armour, yelling at each other about an upcoming fight. A trio of guardsmen surround a young, female commissar as she throws up the contents of her stomach onto the packed dirt. Suddenly, yellow hovercraft appears over the encampment, catching the attention of everyone inside.
"This is Shas'O R'ala of Tau. I am here to offer you assistance in dealing with the dangerous race known as the Arume. We must work together to repel them for the Greater Good."
Demented Doug
>>1742965 "Shas o what? What are you trying to say? I don't speak muzzie."
Xenosbane
>>1742965 >walk into encampment "Attack on an Arume base? sounds good to me"
Pvt.Jim
>>1742965 "Revolting..."
>Sigh and drop her then try to clean myself and the commissar up. Lieutenant Hammond
>>1742965 "I don't have any quarrel with your people,i come here unarmed and i prove no danger to you,i know how to defeat the humans and their kin,bring me to your base and i shall help you bring swift justice into the humans and their filthy imperium"
>roll for influence Noobsiuss
>>1742965 >>1743018 "hello, we used to be a part of the empire... so we have lot's of info. i even know where the warkamp is."
Anonymous
>>1742965 dump the trough on the commisar in an attempt to clean her up and sober her up. in the mean time take her blamming gun and ask the tau the plan for destroying them.
Private Dan
Quoted By:
>>1743090 if i forget one more time im going to sudoku
Game Master
>>1743018 >>1743028 The patrol keeps their weapons raised, but seem to be listening.
"Very well, human, We will allow you to be of use to us. Search them!"
>>1742989 >>1743003 >>1743010 >>1743090 The speaker continues his spiel as Dan and Jim attempt to sober the Commissar up. Dan dumps the trough onto the Commissar, clearing off most of the puke and sobering her up enough to stand. He attempts to grab her bolt pistol, but his hand is swatted away.
"We have attempted to welcome them into the Tau Empire, as they somewhat resemble you Gue'la, but they have stolen our technology and embarked on a mission to recover an ancient weapon rumoured to have been buried here. I fear consequences of cataclysmic proportions if this weapon were to be unearthed. So I ask you, once again, to fight together for the Greater Good."
Lieutenant Hammond
>>1743169 "Lead me to your chief"
Private Dan
>>1743169 >>1743169 announce that i think we should agree with the Tau if only to kick the Arume asses
Demand the Tau tell us everything they know about them
Xenosbane
>>1743169 "I'll help you, only for now. Arumes are a horrid danger to the imperium if we don't exterminate every last one of them."
Noobsiuss
>>1743169 "just a heads up, i have two bombs strapped to my chest... don't be surprised."
Pvt.Jim
>>1743169 "And why should we believe that!We don't even know what you look like!"
>I yell. Private Dan
>>1743206 ask if i can have a bomb
i dont want to end up like the commissar
Private Dan
>>1743228 i've seen them when they were retreating (and when they shot me multiple times) and they looked like Humans though obviously alien and abomidable to the God-Emperor
Noobsiuss
>>1743230 (i'm not with you)
Private Dan
Quoted By:
>>1743267 disregard that i suck cocks (not literally)
Pvt.Jim
Quoted By:
>>1743248 "I was referring to the Tau."
Game Master
Quoted By:
>>1743181 >>1743206 "We will not lead you to our chief, especially with him around," she says as she gestures towards Noobsiuss.
"We will take you to the holding cells until we can determine your allegiances."
>>1743230 (He's a traitor, Dan. And also he's not in the Space Marine encampment He's consorting with the Arume.)
>>1743185 >>1743199 >>1743228 >>1743248 "If we are to be allied, then I shall address you, personally!"
A white shape jumps out from the craft, landing in the middle of the encampment. The front opens up, revealing a blue humanoid with a slit on their forehead.
"Shas'O R'ala, at your service."
With the traitorous guardsmen consorting with the Arume, yet another Xenos race enters the fray with vital information about the motive behind the invasion. Will the Tau truly help the remaining loyalists, or do they only serve their "Greater Good"? Regardless of allegiances, it's a race to the super weapon buried within /Bant/anus' crust. What will become of our heroes? Find out next time, on Arume Survival: Only War Edition!
Game Master
Quoted By:
I'd like to take the time to invite anyone who is participating or would like to participate in future threads to our discord, which can be found here:
https://discord dot gg/p75McE
Sorry that I had to cut this thread short, but I'd rather keep the thread short rather than have people sitting around, waiting for me to return.
