If you open your own flood gates. If you completely open your boundaries completely. Then you become free. You might hurt a lot, but you become free. I should stop running away and completely embrace my fucked up psychological constitution. Life is just pain, and running away from pain is just avoiding what is invetiable if you allow yourself to be hit instead of running away from being invetiably hit. Then you will get used to it more quickly and there won't be much more things left to hurt you anymore