I think i'm actually gay.

It all started when i was 12 years old, i was into lgbt shit n stuff. My twitter feed was no different than today's US antifa red-haired twitter girls. Then, in 2 years i grew up, quit that shit and deleted twitter acc, thought that whatever was in my brain then, was forced into there.

Teenage years just began, i started to hang out with girls etc. Girls really liked me, and i always liked to be around other girls, i felt like i was more comfortable with them than boys. There were countless situations when 2 of my female classmates were hanging out, and they called me outside, and never another nigga.
There was 1 girl we were hanging out with on a daily basis, roaming & kissing on the rooftops n shii. However, i never felt like doing the next step, going any further. There was just this strange feeling i can't describe.
I enrolled into uni later and quit IRLing. Now to the key part.

I started experiencing intrusive thoughts. In 1 year, they went from hugging a cute boi to straight up fucking and raping them. 5 years ago, everyone in russia was literally a fucking orc. But things started to change recently. These new young lads look fucking insane. They're all stylish, wearing drain clothes, have long hair. They're all small (im 2m tall) and submissive, their movements are slow, they're weak. Every time i see one, i'm literally going crazy, i fucking dream about grabbing his neck, shake him until he cant breathe, throw into bed, grab his little noodle hands from behind, break them, rape him, and as an act of ultimate dominance, nut inside of him, and leave this fucker bleating on a bed.

With that being said, i expect my life to be over in 5 years. IYKWIM OFC.