Every time I try to self improve, I fail. I even have thoughts now in my head that tell to Minecraft myself...

This is a question for the actual National Socialists / Fascists and not the cuckservatives:

I'm 25 years old and got redpilled in 2018 and became a National Socialist. After that the years 2018-2020 were one of the best times in my life. I became fit, dropped all degenerate stuff, read books and was happy in general.

When and during the Covid hoax I had a lot of family problems and almost lost my job due to a vax mandate. I was so hopeless that I even licked public toilet seats to get sicked and also considered f ing myself.

I somehow made it out unvaxxed but my mental didn't recover. I just don't care about anything anymore and I'm happy when I can go to sleep.

>My life now:
>still have family problems
>overweight
>coomer (means I watch porn and jack off like 4-10 times a day)
>don't look after myself anymore, means I don't shower and shave often
>smoke (vape) and drink alcohol every single day for the past 6 months
>get depressed when I see the state of Germany (means when I'm in public)
>introverted
>stutter when speaking at work or giving a presentation
>talk very slow
>sometimes keep getting suicidal thoughts
>have friends but I always have to make the same move

Is my life truly over? How do I bounce back up? What do I do?