sometimes i don't feel human.
i guess, i had an innate urge to try and blend into my social surroundings, learn mannerisms and how to be accepted so i wasn't all alone
it's through this that i learned about how superficial connections can be, how fierce loyalty can be manipulated through fear, how we lose everything that makes up who we are for the sake of group cohesion.

i wanted to try and, against my own nature, become like everyone else. i was lonely and vulnerable, and still felt this even when i did succumb to societal pressure. i guess there isn't a point in trying to conform, as you only have one life that's continuously molded through your living experiences. not like living with people just like me would spell paradise either, just a sick infernal merry go round, where we play the role of someone who thinks they've found their happiness, when in reality, they find themselves just as oppressed by their so called liberators. forever forced into a role, maintaining that thin facade of paradise.

maybe it's time to just rewind the clock. things feel like such a rush for completion, to feel that instant gratification by living life as fast as possible inorder to obtain what you think you need, but in reality, just want. maybe it's in that want that takes us out of enjoying things as they are, and accepting this moment for what it is. life is a whole experience that happens outside of you just as much as it happens inside of you. if anything, we're all going to die, and when it happens, there's nothing material you can hold onto anymore, not even your own body.