>>17961314i don't know. i don't think that i'd enjoy an easy life regardless because i'm the type that likes to be challenged and learn new things a lot of the time, even if i don't always learn these new things that well lol. i find that i almost remember more the intentional suffering i face in pursuit of a goal, rather than that mindless suffering that comes from too much comfort, if that makes sense.
i think the conclusion i came to about ego and selfishness, is that it was the persona people had told me/pressured me to become that hurt me the most. i wasn't that, and there became a disconnect in my soul. there still is, and i'm doing my best to heal, but because there was this disconnect, i was not living up to my fullest potential. it's not like i suddenly stopped being me inside just because i listened to other people and acted the way they told me to act. in fact, it only made that voice more loud, and begged me to let it come out and play, but i was so fearful, that i just tried my best to always ignore it and numb those feelings with mindless hedonism and substance abuse. it was when i stopped struggling against it, and took that leap of faith to listen to and act upon what it needed, is when i kinda found a little bit more peace and even energy inside of me. more motivation to tackle the day in my unique way, instead of being pushed and forced to do things that didn't always make sense to me. i don't really know, and as i said, i'm still healing, but i guess life isn't a race to figure it out, and everybody's unique, so we all end up with different conclusions, which isn't a bad thing.
if it's that you're struggling with something in life, please know that whatever it is that you'd like to set your mind towards, you can do it. literally, because there are way less capable individuals who are doing that thing, but still manage to figure it out regardless of their limitations, so if they can do it, you can too.
