>>17993810training is fun. it is meditative. it is a moment alone with time itself and nothing else, until you inevitably get pulled back into your human self through means of external influence. the goal isn't even within what you're striving for, but the striving itself, wanting to be challenged to your fullest capacity to grow and become more. to conquer fear on your own terms, and finally regain the confidence you always had in yourself.
perhaps it's strange to some that i train alone, but it's in these moments that i'm allowed to find myself. the person i lost, trying to impress others, or trying too hard to please people. i don't know who i really am inside, that's a person i am able to continuously sculpt and mold, undefined by my past experiences, yet maintaining the wisdom those experiences taught me.
sometimes, i'd wish things never happened, but i realized how i'm not the one to blame for the tragic circumstances because they surround the very nature of sustaining life itself. nature has the power to heal itself, outside of any human influence. anything we do to attempt and speed up this process without understanding how nature works, will just be rejected, and we will end up frustrated that nothing ever goes our way. it wasn't ever supposed to because we are human and think better of ourselves, maybe out of a fear of our own mortality, than to be this alive being amongst other living organisms. to want more for ourselves than to just live, eat, shit, and die in harmony with the rest of nature. it's not a bad thing, approaching closer to the divine, eternal source of everything, but we must not delude ourselves into believing we are invulnerable to the prevailing forces of nature that keep everything in check.
