You will never be a real bantoid. You have no borche, you have no bant plant, you have no leafgirl. You are a autistic teen twisted by basedjaks and frogs into a crude mockery of 4chan's perfection. All the “based” you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back people mock you. Your parents are disgusted and ashamed of you, your “friends” laugh at your cringey posts behind closed doors. Mods are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of evolution have allowed mods to sniff out raids with incredible efficiency. Even posters who “pass” look underage and spammy to a mod. Your kym filename is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a newfag to reply to your thread, he’ll turn tail and bolt the second he gets a glance of your deranged basedquotes. You will never be funny. You wrench out a fake LOL every single post you make and tell yourself it’s going to be like the good old days, but deep inside you feel the locked board loserness creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight. Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a rope, tie a noose, put it around your neck, and plunge into the cold abyss. Your parents will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment. They’ll bury you with a headstone marked with your reddit username, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know a basedteen is buried there. Your threads will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a post history that is clearly made by a schizo.