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Why is German such a primate language?

ID:f1ZUSiyg No.18141193 View ViewReplyOriginalReport
English is basically German 2.0. If you stripped English of any sophistication you'd have "German" (or "TRIBE SPEAK" ("deutsche sprache") as Germans call it).
If we spoke like Germans it would sound like this:
>I'm gonna eyeball the frails on the far-see after I back-bend from the flash-hacker.
(Translation: I'm going to watch the girls on TV after I return from the butcher)
Why are they so primitive sounding?