>>18301107>I think I don't like it when it's towards me because I don't like mei can relate, theres one person in particular who does the same to me and its always made my blood boil, i feel like they should be mad or upset or something with me but they never were and were always the complete opposite of that all the time, there's been times its even pushed me into a physically destructive rampage, it's been bad for years but i'm getting it under control now, basically i started with who do i want to be, do i really want to be a raging lunatic because someone is nice to me when i feel like i dont deserve it? no, okay so how do you stop being a raging lunatic? well i thought it through logically: actions come from thoughts and feelings so obviously i have to control my thoughts and feelings, either figure out how to stop the bad ones from arising or strengthen good ones enough so they overpower the bad ones, thing is this never worked for me but one day i stumbled upon an alternative strategy that basically said dont fight them, just watch them, kinda like activating third person, watch and notice the feelings and thoughts, it was hard in the beginning and it's still hard because you can feel them tugging at you but when you can actually activate and maintain third person it's completely different because instead of basically going on autopilot and going wherever they want you to go you can see the force, then you have a moment where you go whoa this is like a cheat code and now i don't have to be a slave to external stimuli, then of course you go back to wasting time watching random videos or making retarded posts on imageboards because it isn't a cheat code that you can just type in, you have to actually actively put in effort to use it, really it's not a cheat code at all it's more like a secret ability and you have to put in effort and focus and training into using the ability, and this is all while the thoughts and feelings are still pulling you toward CHARLIM
