i learned that there's more than one "you" inside of you, that we're made up of a bunch of forces that almost all need to be heard. we have this primal animal self, that isn't inherently a negative force, but if left repressed, or misunderstood, we will become it's slave. that self is driven by fear, and that fear creates anxiety, which clouds rational thought and judgment, like a thick fog. i think that those feelings of love and peace come from your higher self, the version of you that is guided by natural intuition, and is absent of the fear that guides your primal self.
you can't really deny any of the aspects about who you are, and could only hope to learn more about those forces that affect your thoughts and actions, to be able to get the best out of every aspect of yourself. i don't think it's a journey everyone is immediately ready to dive deeply into because as they say, "when you look into the abyss, the abyss stares back", but it is necessary if one is to become whole, to complete their being of contrast, like yin compliments yang. i read it's a war that's been waged in the hearts, souls, and minds of man ever since the beginning of his time here on earth, and we are here to carry the tradition, to keep the torch lit.
there is a light inside of you, one that helps you confront those mechanisms that keep your mind in place. it's not that you're here to accuse yourself of wrong doing, but like madotsuki, to just explore with curiosity inside that realm that is your mind. it's not that you're here either, to whip and shout back when the voices get strong, because when you attempt to control yourself, you will become the one who is controlled. so the path is tough, but you are tougher yet, so forgive yourself, and forge forwards.
