Basically I was in an online relationship with Taylor Swift until November 13th 2004 when I turned 16 & she told me she had just signed a contract a few days earlier. I called a hiatus on our relationship in the hopes of talking to her again on her 15th birthday, but I got cold feet. I couldn't face her with her contract attached. It was something that I wanted to work at with her. I felt shafted.
Needless to say, Taylor doesn't discuss me, & it's almost been 20 years. I attempted suicide in April 2005 & developed memory loss surrounding Taylor. I didn't Google her until 2017. Reading her birthday on Wikipedia brought back a flood of memories.
I am not in the best place socially, & I've developed schizophrenia in recent years, causing me to lash out & punch walls; trash apartments. I have fucked up my hands.
I don't know what I expect from writing this, as I've tried writing about Taylor many times over the past 6 years. I just haven't felt love for anyone else quite like I do for Tay.
I miss her. I miss Taylor Swift and I miss spending time with her; even if we just chatted online & played connect 4 & battleship. At the time I thought she was my soulmate. I don't know how to reach her now, & I doubt she's interested in living my life, but I love her. I wish I was more susceptible to following her into stardom in our youths. I had a whole lot of problems with the music industry. I'm basically just like, trying to see it her way now & I was right in a few ways but she's still going on strong.
I just wish we met in person. I'm not as capable as I was before my 2005 brain damage. I regret leaving, regret my suicide attempt, & wholeheartedly miss Taylor Swift.
Thanks.