i could never recover after a lost first love. probably my fault for being obsessed, but phenotypically and culturally, she was my type. i denied my love for her because i didn't want to hurt myself by being vulnerable, my defenses were too strong. i also wanted her to have a happy life without me because i believed there was something deeply wrong with me, and that she was better off with someone else. i still love her, but she's not in my life anymore, so i let her go.
