i can't count on one hand how many people i've pitied over the past, only to not have my message not be reached. it's like the vast majority of people i encounter, who complain about their lives do so, not out of a desire to improve and elevate their existence, but to selfishly attract the attention of anyone with a heart, so that they may leech off of their sympathy. it's like, jesus man, i always feel compelled to try and lift others up, but i hate feeling used just as a mean to an end, that end being a selfish type of attention that does nothing but feed a starving ego. it makes me want to become calloused to the cries and pleas of others, becoming ultimately ignorant to those in desperate need of someone to lift them up, but nobody is willing to change for anybody but themselves, so i just chalk it up to it being your problem, not mine, and turn the other way. i hate this because i want my actions to have an impact on others, to help inspire others to become more, and show them the path i'd blazed for myself through countless hardships so they don't have to experience the same, but it just sometimes feels like no matter what i say, it doesn't matter. i'm just another dopamine hit, another source of validation, where my actions ultimately become irretrievably lost to the void that is an empty soul. i wonder if this is really that universal love for others, just banging your head against a brick wall, hoping something will give, other than the damage you inflict upon yourself. i wonder if it's just a strange perversion, a spider's web to become ensnared in. is it really best to just let things be, as it is? just resolve yourself to the role of a spectator, a passive witness to all suffering which goes on around you? or should we all keep trying to cheer eachother up when the going gets hard, offering perspective on problems that appear to be dead ends? i don't know, all i know is that my mind is servant to my heart and soul.
