same
my thinking is alien
i am sitting here doped up on meds thinking about the dusty smell of hotel rools my family went to for christmas and all these random ass memories of times life had some mystery to it. and when i could be excited just to merely be somewhere and before i started roleplaying a comfort animal to a dozen troons on discord that are unironically grooming me rn. might even take those pills. insideous man it doesnt feel like a cult it feels like the kind of unconditional acceptance i couldnt get anywhere and i can let my guard down so totally that i could even be treated like a female if i wanted. its all illusions and lies but golly they are comfortable ones, because they are mentally ill too right? and i am too and its just soothing to talk to people who are so far on the periphery of society. i dont even resent the idea of trooning but common sense is telling me that, even if its sexual deviancy, who else in life tells me that if i am an effeminate insecure and terribly damaged person, i will be okay? no demands that i fix it, because i have tried through strength of will to overpower sadness and the reality is i am flawed awfully. no wonder people get stuck or groomed into that kinda shit, outsider perspective sees predation but what it feels like at the time is just acceptance of someone on a fundamental level, with a level of shared trust you wouldnt dare give to even your best friend. feels like insight into something
