>>19253175yes. i told my family, and i told God, I prayed, "God i want to die."
and i believe in that moment the Holy Spirit reminded me of Romans chapter 6. The Christian has been co-crucified with Christ (and co-buried, and co-risen, and co-seated with Him.) the Christians life is hidden with Christ in God. and in a very real way, I am already dead. and the life the Christians lives is lived by faith in the Son of God that loved us and gave Himself for us.
So wanting to die is okay. The gospel of Jesus Christ is, in fact, an invitation to die. To die to self, and to die to sin. And at that place of despairing of life, I realized, or remembered, that this life belongs to the Lord, and it is for His glory, and not my pleasure (even the pleasure of saving my race, or continuing my genetic legacy) for what a Christian must live. And in surrendering, fully, and endeavoring to fully obey God's Holy Word after I mess up, is the safest and strongest possible place from which to live whatever time is left.
And as we see in churches that pray throughout the world, those who cling to Jesus are not ashamed at life and often have healthy families of their own, and friendships. But even if life is solitude and misery now, it is right to continue in gratitude to the One who saved you, and has power to save you to the uttermost.
