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ITT: Post your highest level conspiracy theories. Whoever is called schizo the most wins

No.19375112 View ViewReplyOriginalReport
Jesus was Caesarion, son of Julius Caesar and Cleopatra. I suspect this because the Jews were never descendants of slaves in Egypt, but of the Aryan-Semitic Hyksos invaders, according to Ancient Egyptian-Greeks historians like Manetho, Apion, Mnaseas of Patrae, Democritus, etc. The proto-Toledot Yeshu precedes the Synoptic Gospel, saying that Jesus lived in the 1st century BC (not 1st century AD), that a Queen Helene of Judea was a gentile and claimed to be a relative/disciple of Jesus, being Cleopatra Selene, half-sister of Caesarion. In addition to the Proto-Toledot Yeshu, the Egyptian Gospel of Thomas precedes the Synoptic Gospels, being written by Alexander Helios, the twin half-brother of Selene and Caesarion, known in the Synoptic Gospels as "Thomas Didymus (Twin)". Selene in the Synoptic Gospels btw is known as Mary Magdalene, the true "Beloved Disciple" and author of John. His followers were not known as Christians, but "Chrestians", who had many similarities with the Gnostics/Marcionites as Cesearion was sent to India by his mother Cleopatra, learning the doctrines of Sramanic philosophies and beliefs (samsara/imperfect material world, nivarna/gnosis, etc.).

This trip to India is interesting because the Greek-Romans writers compared Yahweh to Dionysus/Bacchus. Several Greek testimonies trace Dionysus’ provenance to Canaan. Herodotus specifies (II, 49) that this god was introduced in Greece by Cadmus, the Tyrian founder of Thebai and the personification of the Phoenician colonization in the Aegean. This is confirmed in the seventh Homeric hymn, which reports the capture of Dionysus by pirates who wished to ransom his parents and friends in the Canaanite eastern Mediterranean for his freedom. Dionysus’ Canaanite origin is reinforced by the Dionysian cortege or retinue, constituted of couretes, corybantes, cyclopes, telchines, and dactyls, all of whom are daimones frequently considered in Greece as originating in the eastern Mediterranean.