Quoted By:
been there too many times. countless days of nothing which smear into eachother and drain the vibrancy and energy out of you. i've stopped trying to go there, and am now trying to spend more time fulfilling my responsibilities as a male. i feel as though maybe the sea is calling me, or maybe it's just davy jones' locker. either way, i wanna be out there, participating in the tough grind and dangerous conditions everyone else is doing. though i made the argument that because i was smart, i didn't need to participate in this system, i realize now that i'm no different than anyone else. i don't deserve a comfortable life i didn't earn myself, and even then, i would reject it still.
i don't know what it means to be a man- my father died when i was a toddler, and i was left to figure it all out on my own. i've been coddled, tucked deep inside the comfortable confines of my room avoiding such realities because i was scared. i think i'm done now, i have no grand reason to be held up here anymore. i don't think i'm going to change as a person, i'm still always going to be who i am to those who care, but i know that i am going to have to accept necessary change inorder to facilitate growth.
when my heart feels like this again, and i know it probably will, i will try my best to listen. where i end up is in god's hands, not mine.
