>>19554700AS a teenager I made out with a hot redhead every second we could, and it was the happiest I ever was in my life. I'm married now and it was still the sweetest memories. There you go, not sugar coated at all. Something about a first love is irreplaceable. Perhaps others can feel it later on and it's not really related to being young, but it just felt so much more alive than everything else. We didn't even fuck, and it felt better than when I did. Something is lost after that. I spent a long time chasing the dragon before realizing that no one else was ever really going to make me feel that way again. I had to take a more logical approach to who I let in my life. Let the mind have more of a say vs the body and heart. I love my wife, it's a mature love and I would do anything to protect her, but the pure joy isn't the same. We barely make out, the passion is just ok. She doesn't really get my heart racing at the thought of time we can be together. She's never going to ride the handlebars of my bike or find places where we can go to make out. We have spent whole evenings on our phones just near each other and I cannot imagine time with my first girlfriend like that. We were inseparable.
I sugar coat it to my volcel friends because it hurt me. I don't know if I will ever be able to feel the same again. I'd do literally anything to go back. That feeling was so much more potent than anything else that's ever been in my life. It's better to have not known that to have found such bliss and lost it forever. Everything is worse the rest of my life. It's like being kicked out of heaven. She's why I drink so much now, not my bad Ex's. I wish I could forget the curves of her body or the look of her bright blue eyes. They got white towards the center around the pupil, like snowflakes. I was 16 at the time, I'm 38. I still kept the things she gave me and I will never really be over it. I'm not sad, there's just a ceiling on happiness I can never pass again.
