>>19737188You will never be a native Japanese speaker. You have no handwriting, you have no childhood immersion, you have no glottal stops. You are a anglophonic man twisted by anime and flashcards into a crude mockery of nature’s perfection. All the “validation” you get is two-faced and half-hearted. Behind your back people mock you. Your tutors are disgusted and ashamed of you, your “friends” laugh at your ghoulish accent behind closed doors. Japs are utterly repulsed by you. Thousands of years of linguistic evolution have allowed Japs to sniff out frauds with incredible efficiency. Even JSLs who “pass” sound uncanny and unnatural to a Jap. Your syllable pronounciation is a dead giveaway. And even if you manage to get a drunk tutor home with you, they’ll turn tail and bolt the second they get a whiff of your diseased, incomprehensible handwriting.
You will never be happy. You wrench out a fake ohayo every single morning and tell yourself it’s going to be ok, but deep inside you feel the depression creeping up like a weed, ready to crush you under the unbearable weight. Eventually it’ll be too much to bear - you’ll buy a rope, tie a noose, put it around your neck, and plunge into the cold abyss. Your roommates will find you, heartbroken but relieved that they no longer have to live with the unbearable shame and disappointment of hearing you speak. They’ll bury you with a headstone marked with your christian birth name, and every passerby for the rest of eternity will know an anglo is buried there. Your body will decay and go back to the dust, and all that will remain of your legacy is a skeleton that is unmistakably caucasian.
This is your fate. This is what you chose. There is no turning back.
