talked to a japanese girl yesterday on a japanese site late at night it was 2am but she was so drinking and smoking and swearing (in broken english) and she was kinda ruining herself and become lost so it hurted my soul a little to see this girl doing bad things to herself we talked for a few hours then I fantasized our life together but I'm a deadbeat retarded subhuman loser and I can't go to japan anyway I can't even learn japanese it's too hard besides she would find me too ugly and short and tiny down there to ever accept me as a man anyway

if only I was not such a piece of shit always drowning in self pity in self humiliation in self defeat I would have done something found more money found more success