Daily reminder:
>be American
>decide to get my big beautiful body™ ready for summer by shedding a few pounds
>doctor prescribes me a pill but tells me I have to stay off the greasy food
>lol fuck that, obliterate 12 bags of special edition extra cheesy bacon greasy doritos™
>30 minutes later feeling a mite peckish
>trudge down to walmart, already feeling out of breath
>dab forehead sweat with a spare extra bacon big mac I found in my pocket
>find the doritos section, grab the nearest pack my stubby little michelin arms can reach
>loudly voice my disapproval at the walmart staff for not stocking the extra jumbo variant
>make the long and arduous journey to the cash register
>see an skinny clearly anorexic british tourist at one of the registers
>all 12 of my chins start trembling in rage
>suddenly feel a fart wriggling out of my rectum
>come up with a devious plan
>position my shit processor in his general direction
>I can feel the fart almost breaching my shaking sphincter
>this one's gonna be a good one, I can feel it
>Oh man, here it comes
>Almost chuckle to myself in glee
>here it comes
>HERE IT COMES
>o fuck
>here some commotion behind me
>"Urgh, that American just shit himself."
>Waddle home with the shit snug in my xxxxl sweatpants
>that night cry into my D. Trump dakimakura
