Have you heard about this nifty little thing called digital coins???
Oh you haven't? Well let me tell ya kiddo, its the next big thing. Everything is digitized now don't you know?

That crummy 'you' 'ass' 'dollar' ?
*Pzzz*
I'll let you into a little secret ;) Just for you buddy.
*It's actually losing it's value*

I KNOW! RIGHT?
It's because these big evil bankers and the government just PRINTS MORE OF IT. So it ends up losing value.
IT'S WORTHLESS! HOCUS PHOCUS! FUGGAZI FUGAYZI! IT DOESNT EXIST! ITS NOT REAL!

And! ITS BIDENS FAULT! (Or Trumps...)
*whichever one you hate more ;)*

SO!
Now that you are aware of this, what can YOU do!?
That's where little old me comes in buddy!
You see, you give me those green worthless cash, and in return I can give you these shitcoins!

Whoops, sorry I meant digital coins! And, the good thing about this is, that we NEVER EVER EVER EVER EVER PRINT MORE OF IT
(except for the premine, but don't worry about it)

THE POINT IS, it is safe! and secure!
Your funds... will be... safu...
And never debased, unlike the 'you' 'ass' 'dollar' ;))))))))))))))))))

So what do ya say kiddo? Wanna take the leap into the future?!