At first, sorry for my english, it isn't my first language. So, I'm turning 20 this year and im trying to get my shit together. I have a boyfriend who loves me, but he's really bad in bed. I mean, he has really small dick. I had almost no sexual experience before him, but I can't feel anything lol. Also, I want to financially get off my mother and make life easier for her, since she already gives almost everything she has for my life passion - sporty horse riding. Sadly, it's very expensive. It always was a problem to keep the horses and live normally. My parents are divorcer, and my father isn't interested in what's important for me or any of my needs. (Yes, omg fucking horsegirl considering to be a whore because she had no male figure in her childhood!!1!!1). I would want to have money to have an individual room in the student's home, so I can peacfully study at night, and be able to send off my mother some of her money (i would say i spend less or idk, i will make up the story). I tried to earn money by being an online tutor for high school students, but it isn't too lucrative since it takes soo much time advertising yourself. The time I don't have, because I need to study. I have the calling to become a doctor, but I guess I'm not as intelligent as others, so I need to spend more time studying. I'm considering serving blowjob in condoms or erotic massages in hotels or at the costumers' places. My boyfriend wouldn't know, but I will eventually tell him about it when I stop doing it. Do you think he would forgive me? Also, is sharing my location and keeping self-defense gadgets near me enough to not get kill by some psycho? Could it affect my medical career in the future, if I keep all of the safety restrictions? I wouldn't put my face on any sex websites, (only on dm if somebody would get seriously interested) and I would cover any characteristics signs of my body. Do I need to ask anyone for the permission, idk, a local pimp or shit like that?