went rucking (yes, again, I fucking know) in the same fucking park again this time I learnt from previous traumatized experiences I wore decent shirt and made sure the goon shorts were at home before I go

half way rucking I saw this extremely adorable shorty nerdy lookin girl jogging at a pace I could usually go and recently I regained some confidence so I thought it might be a good thing to try pickup a girl for the first time in a long time.
I jogged up to her but since I was carrying heavy backpack and I accidentally stepped on uneven ground I accidentally tripped and accidentally fell onto her butt and shoved her forward.
she fucking screamed and the guys and gals nearby surrounded me looking at me weirdly like I'm some kind of obese rapist. She scolded me so bad and said "since you're already obese you should know your fucking place, why are you trying to wear weight huh? you think you tough shit?" and I was so deeply humiliated I just kept nodding and saying im so sorry I will pay for her if there are any bruises but all I got on me was $2.5 she fucking cringed so hard then just silently walked away

why can't I ever receive love why is love such a rarity why does affection never come to me even doe I tried my hardest