The first reason would be that we only live once, so if I ever have to die, I should make it worth it, otherwise, it would truly be a waste of time

But more importantly, the second reason is that : The problem isn't me

I always strived ( Up to some degree ) to learn from my mistakes, and work for the greater good, preach the good word, be kind, be open, be merciful, be helpful, always try to reach a higher state of consciousness, of self-awareness, of introspection, or in the greater lines, try to be a better person period

I used to be a gifted kid, or at the very least, some kid that was just better than the others, at just about everything, despite growing up poor most of my life

Nowadays, I can't even bother myself to try to put in some effort into the things i liked, the people have ruined it for me

My heart tells me to collaborate, to help, to try to make the machine run, but the reality is that my brain constantly keeps telling me I shouldn't, and he's right, I never gained much by helping the others, I should've taken this example on my surroundings, I have seen this quite often enough to know the end of the story before seeing it myself