Ah, I hate saying heartfelt things here, because when people are mean to me, like they usually are, it actually hurts.
I thought about the reason I post here and it's so utterly silly, it's clear to me that I haven't changed a bit since I started this, back when I was 16. My childish wish is that by posting all these pity inducing threads, someone would see them and magically come to my rescue like in some fantasy story and save me from the misery I live in.. But the funny thing is, even if that were to happen, I'd probably manage to sabotage it somehow, like I always do.
I'm scared, terrified.. Of people, of living, of trying out new things, of failing, of being happy, of loving or of being loved, of eveything, even of killing myself. The only thing I am capable of doing is crying in my own bed over my unhappiness.
I don't know what to do.
