Yeah this preference for older women is grounded on my grim life. First it was my aunt, but I was a kid and unconditional love is something you'd get until your early teens. Then it was my English teacher in high school, she made me feel special and appreciated, but only because I was autistically gifted in language learning unlike other kids. Then it was Alice, but she only played along until I stopped caring about her politics. And so I figured out I must be a truly repulsive person unless I compensate by giving something to people.