>>20896051Sometimes women stare at me too and I can't tell why. I have low self esteem so I always assume the worst. Like they think I am scary or creepy or weird something. I don't see why else you would stare at someone like me. And even if that's just me being mean to myself, and some of them are staring at me because they find me attractive which seems ridiculous for me to even entertain the thought, I wouldn't accept that admiration because I can't accept myself. And even if I could, I'm still literally a diagnosed autist and I would never be able to create or maintain a romantic relationship
The chances are, they most likely think I am weird. Or maybe they are just weird and stare at people and it has nothing to do with me. You can overthink things when they are just straight forward and simple. But when you have low self esteem, your mind is always telling you the worst
I think also, with people like me and you, with low self esteem, there is always something in the back of your mind. "what if"
What if I am just mentally ill and what if I am wasting every chance life gives at me over insecurity. What if I'm wasting away for no good reason? The thought is simultaneously harrowing and an attempt to grasp for some sort of hope, but you can't believe it. It's a delusion, it's your mind trying to save you from the reality. Or else the thought of it being a delusion is the delusion it's self. You don't know. All you know is you can't become who you aught to be and that you despise yourself
