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Stir christians to covet other christians' belongings. Provoke christians to harshly criticize other christians. Confound christians into reasoning for the genocide of other christians. Turn an evangelical occupation of a catholic church in Las Vegas into a fucking massacre by having someone pull the trigger on worshippers and/or rioters. Bring back the Thirty Years War with modern weaponry. Inspire a Catholic League drug cartel to go kidnap a Chiapan presbyterian girl, rape, flay, kill and play with her dismembered limbs and face on a livestream. Drive a Brazilian Pentecostal favela gang to retaliate by blowing up a car during a Mass packed by pilgrim and worshippers, splattering the Marian image with the blood of the catholics. Have a Argentinian cultural catholic make the bombing a pretext to lynch some JWs from a lamppost. Persuade the UCKG to infiltrate and coup the Brazilian government. Have the UCKG starve the favela population by enacting double, triple, quadruple tithes to build up a new Evangelical Union army to conquer South America. Make a Congolese cardinal spread fear, terror and hatred of everything Protestant on the other side of the Atlantic. Make the Congolese Catholic League Mai-Mai institute a new inquisition to medievally persecute each and every evangelical in its territory. Possess a Catholic League Mexican cartel to collaborate with Colombian recusants to send a crusader suicide bomber to São Paulo to blow up a bubonic plague bomb in a favela. Have the UCKG preach faith healing and laying of the hands on the plague sick. Have the Ugandans burn their own city Kampala to the ground to kill as many Congolese crusaders as they plunge into the abyss together. Make a methodist fanatic to coup the South African government and pay back the Calvinists for the Remonstrants bullshit while building a whole arsenal of nukes. Launch a nuke onto Kinshasa to slay the Catholics. Bleed New Christendom white for a new Westphalia. Total Ecumenism Death.
Anonymous
Quoted By:
Build the conditions for an African christian Thirty Years War. Inspire Global South christians to minecraft each other. Suggest to African christians to 'cut down the' other African christian 'tall trees'. Have Eritrean Orthodox clergy starve a Pentay girl to death in a shipping container for reading a Bible. Have Hispanic evangelicals barge into a catholic mass and cry idolatry at their top of their lungs. Drive a UCKG telepastor von Helder to kick a Mary statue again on live 4k television. Summon a pack of Protestant Ambazonians to hack down barefoot Catholic Cameroonian nuns into pieces with machetes. Make Ugandan evangelicals drag a child-molesting priest down a dirt road, necklace and set him on fire for a totally unrelated witchcraft accusation. Have a Boer Dutch Reformed and a kaffir Methodist spit in a Mozambican Catholic's pilgrim face, only to have the former two brutalize each other over the Remonstrant controversy. Drive a Ghanaian prosperity Pentecostal blinged-out in gold jewellery to mock a Togolese Catholic's poverty as temporal punishment for idolatry. Have a Reformed Central African burn a JW at the stake into BBQ in front of the whole village, because that's just what Reformed do to unitarians. Whisper into a Ugandan evangelical's ear to make 'em defenestrate a Congolese cardinal onto a pile of elephant shit. Make that same cardinal succeed as the new Bishop of Rome at a conclave. Make that African Pope broadcast a message of peace in European languages but really sneak copies of a Swahili Papal Bull to catholic pulpits to cut down the protestant trees. Possess a tradcath Mai-Mai militia to Magdeburgise Kigali. Have UCKG volunteers complain that African protestants are fucking lazy. Have christian denominations irradiate each other with depleted uranium. Curse African christians, the hope of 22nd century christendom to drown in their own blood that they beg with all their being for Westphalia over Chalcedon. - VI
Anonymous
Quoted By:
Instigate christian infighting. Fill christians' hearts with hatred against other christians. Make christians devour and drink each others' flesh and blood for the Eucharist. Revive 16th century sectarian conflicts in France in the 18th century at the peak of the Revolution during Protestant emancipation. Have French constitutional women beat the living shit out of refractory nuns who punished pupils for attending a constitutional mass. Instigate a small brawl (bagarre) in Nimes and have vengeful Huguenots grapeshot with artillery 300 Catholic national guards into oblivion. Have a mob of Catholic women on Montauban swarm the Protestant militia and kill 5 of them to stop a monastery confiscation. As a Protestant merchant, buy out all the bread in a Catholic city to make a shortage. Create the fear and suspicion the whole masonic-enlightenment revolution is somehow a Protestant plot. Have Polish Catholics tax the daylights out of Ruthenian Orthodoxists so badly the Patriarch of Antioch prays for the Ottomans. Have Ken Ham curse William Lane Craig as a modernist pseudo-intellectual of the world as the latter squirms uncomfortably like Bill Nye. Disingenuously promote Russian Baptists in order to weaken the Russian Orthodox former state church. Excommunicate Elizabeth and accuse her of being a whore and have Protestants in turn accuse Rome of being the Whore of Babylon. Have a detachment of Francoists pistol-whip a pastor into a pulp with Lugers besides a stack of genuine leather Reina-Valera Bibles. Replace the Head Portuguese Inquisitor with your own cousin and strangle a fucking Jesuit on fabricated charges over petty theodicy over an earthquake and cuckoldry. Send a Telegram 243 to a Protestant ambassador to South Vietnam to assassinate the most powerful Roman Catholic in south-east Asia for the sake of some saffron heathens. Send in the Russian Army to brutalize Pratulin to the One True Orthodox Faith. Make christians kick other old christians down the stairs. -V
Anonymous
Quoted By:
Perpetuate christian infighting. Drive christians to demoralize and corrupt Christendom. Make christians thirst for other christians' blood. Make a Presbyterian community split between globohomo mainline and Westminster Confession-chanting creedalists. Have a mainliner gift a NIrV to an OPC young little girl's confirmation as subterfuge. Transport Zwingli into the 1847 Sonderbund War and have Switzerland snowball into an unholy powder keg in Western Europe as the 1848 revolutions rage on. Have the noise of the looting and raping of Constantinople 1204 make Justinian rise as a revenant, demonically from his sarcophagus like Procopius described in the Secret History. Possess an IFB KJVOnlyist in a white peaked hood to flash his huge warty super-giant text goatskin gilded KJV to the NIrV little girl terrifying her and making her scream at the top of her lungs. Have the revenant Justinian launch an undead plague and war against the Latins while chanting masked eastern Orthodox priests terrorize Frankish knights with the slightest Greek. Introduce Joseph Smith and his Christology to Ambrose. Kidnap Martin Luther as he leaves Worms, not as a staged kidnapping. Have the NIrV little girl flee into a Catholic convent to seek refuge. Have the sisters of the convent do unwritable sapphic things to her. Transport Calvin to Henry IV to persuade the latter to do a mass fucking iconoclasm even as the Spanish are closing in. Give the English Armada a plague to spread to the Iberian peninsula. Unleash the angry and fanatical Reformed Kingdom of France across the Pyrenees and the Rhine, laying waste to every Catholic cathedral and monastery and city, preempting the Thirty Years War into a Fifty Years War to bleed christendom white! Have an NIV playboy rescue the NIrV girl and tongue-kiss Ecstasy into her while shitty christian rock plays in a karaoke bar. Metamorphise the NIrV girl. Have a pentecostal grind the NIrV woman's stillborn baby and her corpse down a garbage disposal. - IV
Anonymous
Quoted By:
Seduce christians into infighting. Have christians destroy christian property. Make christians blood sacrifice one another. Have a Kenyan protestant go and vandalise an Ethiopian tewahedo church. Possess a KJV-only-ist to go stab an NIV street preacher through the heart. Stoke a sectarian conflict between Namibian protestants and Angolan catholics. Make an Angolan inquisitor tire-necklace a Zambian pentecostal into charcoal. Have a sedevacantist push a mainstream catholic bishop out of a window in Prague. Have Russian Orthodox under the spell of the Protocols of Zion send Baptists to Siberia. Have Jesus himself say 'the Father is greater than I' in front of John Calvin while Michael Servetus sheds tears into his own charring flesh in the background. Have a Septuagint reader plant a yellow star on a Masoretic Text user. Send Jeanne d'Arc to Bohemia to hack off some Hussite heads. Turn her into a piece of swiss cheese with muskets from behind a wagon fort. Send a protestant son-of-a-settler into an Irish catholic pub and have them play minecraft. Magically switch Magdeburg 1631 and Constantinople 1204 around and have Landsknechts violate purpleborn princesses. Have a KJV-only-ist point out that the NIV is published by Zondervan, child of HarperCollins, child of News Corp and therefore is a Synagogue of Satan counterfeit. Have Sky News and Fox News journalists gangstalk the KJVOist until the latter does something they can't take back. Have an ESV reader bitch and moan about how everything is tending to a second Great Depression. Make the NIV reader accuse the ESVr of economic demoralization. Have an NLT reader anxiously pass by. Send a polite Nestle-Aland critic to mediate between the NIVr and ESVr and give the NLTr some hope. Have a Tupolev fire a KH-101 blessed by a Russian Orthodox priest blow them into smithereens. Cultivate a new protestant-orthodox sectarianism while catholics stare on hungrily as if at boys. Have christendom vaporize christendom with a raygun.
Anonymous
Quoted By:
Encourage even more christian infighting. Persuade christians to annihilate christendom. Make christians cannibalise each other. Give a catholic nun the schwedentrunk with some surströmming as seasoning on a lenten Friday. Ban Christmas for not being puritan enough. Have west and east excommunicate each other over the Filioque. Scourge and crucify an NLT editor for the sake of the KJV 1611. Have the apostles angrily argue with one another whether Greeks should be circumcised to join the church or not. Have cathars murder the papal legate. Deus vult and mow down a gorillion cathars with heavily armoured mounted knights. "Away with this popish idolatry!" Pull down a cross in iconoclastic fury! Imitate the Muslims preying on the Eastern Roman Empire's borders. Alienate the bishop of Rome by smashing a Christ Pantocrator into pieces. Travel through time and burn down Notre Dame as iconoclasm! Sic a KJV 1611-ist against a KJV-1769-ist and have the 1769-ist smash the 1611-ist's skull in with Samuel Johnson's Dictionary of the English Language. Go dump 144,000 JWs into a portal to Calvin's Geneva. Violently persecute non-Chalcedonian churches even while war with the Sassanids rages on draining blood and treasure. Have the Copts betray the Eastern Romans to the Rashidun out of resentment. As Kaiser call upon the Turkish Caliph to declare jihad upon your co-religionist christian Entente powers. Accuse protestants of being in league with jewry. Have Klansmen burn a cross in front of a catholic church. Be a KJV 1611-larper who quotes from what is really the 1769 KJV and get your head smashed in by a super-large print Geneva Bible 1560. Have a paedobaptist dunk a credobaptist to death. Write a diatribe on free will to Luther. Reply to Erasmus with a screed on horses and bondage. Escalate the Reformation. Have an Orthodox Serb forcibly convert to Roman Catholicism at lugerpoint. Feed them to an alligator anyway. Have Longinus slice the body of Christ in half with a katana.
Anonymous
Quoted By:
Encourage christian infighting. Persuade christians to destroy Christendom. Tempt christians into physically devouring one another. Nail the 95 Theses onto the door of All Saints Church. Have American christians pay taxes to fund bombs for Jews to bomb the remnants of Eastern christians into the rubble. Split the Eastern Orthodox church and have Kievan and Muscovite conscripts mow each other into worm food for the trenches. Inspire every Calvinist to follow Calvin's example and grill Jehovah Witnesses alive a la Servetus. Divert the crusaders to Constantinople. Have those crusaders utterly sack, destroy and rape the easternmost city of Christendom. Loot the Horses of St Mark. Install a prostitute onto the Patriarchal Throne. Liever Turks dan Paaps! Have protestants ally with the ottomans to degrade the Habsburgs. Invite Reformed French to a royal wedding. Betray them. Paint Paris red with Reformed blood. Sack Magdeburg into a copy of Baghdad. Exclude Roman Catholics from the throne. Ban marriages to Roman Catholics. Confiscate the property of Roman Catholics. Bar Roman Catholics from their inheritance. Have protestants defenestrate a Hapsburg governor out of a window. Paris is worth a Mass! Form a sacrilegious union of the lily and the crescent, create modern geopolitics and realpolitik. Ally the Kingdom of France with the Ottomans. Have Roman Catholics kill Roman Catholics for royal glory and power. Deport southern French towns to host Muslim pirates and slavers to destroy Hapsburg galleys and send their galley slaves to the bottom of the sea. Have protestant leaders and theologians invite Jews into their countries and justify charging interest. Inspire a KJV-only-ist to go to Zondervan's office and shoot an NIV editor in the head. Make a Douay-Rheims-only-ist lock all the editors of the ESV in Crossway's headquarters and arson it down with the staff inside. Make a tradcath call a brown pentecostal a nigger. Make christians slice each other with a katana. - I
