literally had a mental meltdown earlier crying shouting punching stuff my hands still hurt so badly I spent hours wishing myself I can just permanently shut down and what a fucking insufferable disgusting pathetic piece of shit human waste retarded dumbfuck I am and how much I tried to change myself yet I still think I don't wanna change to become better in the end to calm myself I re-read my favorite yuri manga where they fell in love at first sight and they cuddled and sexxed all day all night and have happy comforting ending

I will live. I iwll not let the thoughts win over me.