>>21101677i spilled coffee on my keyboard and it broke so i have to use on-screen keyboard to type this:
as much as i would like to be perfectly innocent im not.
there is missing context not in these threads.
i didnt know until recently she had anxiety about answering dms. not knowing this made my imagination jump to conclusions about why.
knowing i was being followed by trolls and people who try to groom "lolcows" i began to convince myself she was a part of their operations.
during my darker manic episodes this made me feel very hurt and i may have said some very hurtful things.
i apologized very soon after anytime i did but it doesnt just take the hurt away because i say im sorry.
i was treated very badly by the ftl community (specifically discord) the moment i arrived and had learned to expect everyone was just cruel and evil.
i have more context and clarity now but i cant undo the past and it sucks. but thats the bigger picture.
betty isnt some super mean girl calling me gay and doxxing me for no reason. im not just some innocent funny elf person either.
i didnt know her full backstory and still dont, and all i knew about the community was how i had been treated up until that point.
i dont want to keep digging up old bones about it, healing is a process and its better not to get stuck in the past. it wouldnt be right for me to play like im perfectly innocent though.
there was a lot of misunderstandings and karmic figures pulling strings in the background hoping to make us fight. i have mental problems im working on that are not fair to make other peoples problems or expect them to just forgive the things i say, or provide me constant emotional reassurance. i also dont truly understand what its like to be a popular female on the internet.
me attention whoring or self promoting in the threads is probably not cool too so im trying to not do that.
its all history though. right now i just hope she is ok. happy and healthy and doing her thing.
