hello /bant/ I have a problem and would like your help because the internet HATES suicide

I'm a closeted tranny freak with avoidant personality disorder and I want to commit suicide because I hate myself beyond words and can't foresee a life where I'm happy, but I'm not impulsive or resolute enough to kill myself

I need ways to build up the nerve in order to finally solve my problems once and for all and an hero, basically. Any tips? Books that encourage the reader to kill themselves maybe?

please don't reply if you're anti-suicide, my life isn't worth living, thanks