>dated a girl for about 2 years
>she is perfect, my dream girl
>I went through an edgy phase and said and did terrible things
>I fucked it all up
>3 years later and I still think about her multiple times a week
>i managed to contact her again yesterday
>she said she's going to go college (I will be as well)
>told her I live with constant guilt, shame and regret for everything I've done, not just with her (even though she's basically the main element), but everything else I've done in my life
>she said I kind of deserved it/said it was karma
>told her "I know"
>despite that, while we called we got along really well, for a moment I was happy again
>she went to sleep
>woke up to a text of her saying "I don't think we be in contact, but I wish you well" etc.
>blackpilledagain.mp4
>fall back into the void hell pit as usual
(I'm in my early 20's btw, we started dating in late HS [we had a controversial age gap], I've had gfs before, but none have compared to her.)
How do you cure this? I unironically struggle to find meaning in life without her.
Without her I am lonely, and have no motivation to improve.
There are plenty of fish in the sea, but none of them are her.
I'm always alone even when I'm surrounded by others on the rare occasion. But with her, I don't feel lonely.
For years now, I don't look at people in the eye, I just look at the ground.
I just drink vodka alone in my room and smoke cigs.
It has been years, and time has passed again and again and again and again.
When does it go away?