God lurks in the dark and he can be reached through perversion. Take a quick glance at your darkest and most twisted thoughts, fully hold them in your souls hand without denying they are apart of yourself, withour flinching, in that moment accept all aspects of yourself, the light and the dark. Now let that thought pop into your head every once in awhile and watch yourself argue with it to no avail, the more you try to push it down the stronger it will become. That is because it is a part of you and it wants to braak free into your main mind. Eventually you shall let yourself taste such dark fruit in your minds eye and fully copulate with the fantasy, you will feel shame and self-hatred, perhaps even come close to death. But eventually through the trauma you may come out a new man, and perhaps even more trauma shall make you stronger and braver than you ever imagined. Salvation is not through repentance, it is through transgression.