>be ameriburger
>trundle outside on motorised scooter because exercise is 2hard
>it's a glandular problem I swear
>get mugged by a nigger on the way to the train station
>lol just kidding what is public transport
>spend 3 hours in standstill traffic
>finally get to work
>work 10 hours for 50 cents in actual wages, get $12 in tips though so it's ok
>manager calls you into his office
>your mobility scooter trundles through extra-wide door to accommodate natural, healthy american size
>healthy at all sizes guise
>"sorry anon you're fired, pablo here can work the same hours for half of what we pay you"
>;_;
>slowly reverse out of the office
>trundle out the front door
>get shot by some random schizophrenic
>m-muh freedums though
>call ambulance
>get driven to hospital, have to tip driver and paramedics exactly 31.21% of the price of fuel plus 15.5923% of their weekly income per freedometre (A.K.A. mile) multiplied by 2.35% of your yearly earnings before tax
>if you don't tip the exact right amount, you commit a horrible social faux pas
>get carried into hospital by a team of 12 stretcher-bearers
>have to tip them all too
>before they put you down they ask for your insurance details
>have to pay $9,000,000,001 for treatment
>finally get out of hospital
>go outside
>mobility scooter got stolen by a nigger, have to walk to car
>fall over panting like a dog in heat after the first block
>finally get to car
>drive home
>get home to find wife banging a nigger
>pour self a ""diet"" pepsi into a red plastic cup
>cry
