The Christcuck is the ultimate consoomer. Spends his whole life scrimping and saving his “soul points” for Heaven like it's some divine Disneyland. No matter what life throws at him, he’s in line with his eternal fast pass, thinking it’s all worth it because eventually he’s getting that celestial upgrade. Dude passes on anything fun here on Earth because “that’s not God’s way” and keeps telling himself that skipping all the cool stuff is just gonna make the afterlife that much sweeter. Thinks he's getting the premium deluxe package with unlimited joy and eternal bliss. The twist? You don’t even get a preview. No return policy, no “try before you die” – just a lifetime of waiting, saving up cosmic good-boy points, and hoping Heaven’s not just some cloud storage.