[29 / 9 / ?]
So uh ... "you know who" anons ...
I feel like I've sorted myself out to the maximum I am able to do so with the time and the resources I have before the 23rd. Some anon with epic digits said something like "take everything that feels wrong in your life and fix it" and I've tried to do so, but there's a ton of stuff that, without some miracle, I don't think I can fix before the 23rd. The things that feel most wrong in my life are that I'm out of shape, I have terrible acne all over my skin, I think I'm not respectable by society's standards. I have a gross misshapen body. I'm literally the virgin in the "Virgin/Chad" memes. I'm also gay, and I have no idea what to do about THAT before the 23rd. I think I lack charisma, which feels wrong. My life situation feels wrong: I'm living with my parents and am basically dependent on them. I /was/ diagnosed with a learning disability in college, so in some sense I feel like I should go easy on myself because I've just been unlucky in a lot of ways, but I'm panicking inside because I feel like I'm supposed to be better than what I am. I guess my conscience is clear in that I feel like I've done the best I can with what I have, even though I've probably fucked up along the way in ways that I don't understand, so everything I have to fix is outside myself: my physical body, my health, my aesthetics, my place in society, becoming a respectable person, etc.
I just, I'm freaking out, because I don't know what else I can do, and I feel hopeless because I'm not what I feel I should be. I feel like I've either ruined myself and probably deserve to die, or worse, or that all of life and reality was inflicted on me like rape and that it is God who should be held accountable: and I should be given reparations for my trouble.
What should I do? I don't know what to do
I feel like I've sorted myself out to the maximum I am able to do so with the time and the resources I have before the 23rd. Some anon with epic digits said something like "take everything that feels wrong in your life and fix it" and I've tried to do so, but there's a ton of stuff that, without some miracle, I don't think I can fix before the 23rd. The things that feel most wrong in my life are that I'm out of shape, I have terrible acne all over my skin, I think I'm not respectable by society's standards. I have a gross misshapen body. I'm literally the virgin in the "Virgin/Chad" memes. I'm also gay, and I have no idea what to do about THAT before the 23rd. I think I lack charisma, which feels wrong. My life situation feels wrong: I'm living with my parents and am basically dependent on them. I /was/ diagnosed with a learning disability in college, so in some sense I feel like I should go easy on myself because I've just been unlucky in a lot of ways, but I'm panicking inside because I feel like I'm supposed to be better than what I am. I guess my conscience is clear in that I feel like I've done the best I can with what I have, even though I've probably fucked up along the way in ways that I don't understand, so everything I have to fix is outside myself: my physical body, my health, my aesthetics, my place in society, becoming a respectable person, etc.
I just, I'm freaking out, because I don't know what else I can do, and I feel hopeless because I'm not what I feel I should be. I feel like I've either ruined myself and probably deserve to die, or worse, or that all of life and reality was inflicted on me like rape and that it is God who should be held accountable: and I should be given reparations for my trouble.
What should I do? I don't know what to do
