for me, it's just the fact that there is nothing to eat, and everything that could be eaten, was left out to rot instead of being stored correctly, so i am frustrated because this situation reflects a larger pattern of dysfunction inherently present in my life that i have no real control over. i can merely anticipate that my life is going to be fucked up, not to any degree of how much it actually is in reality, and that shock always fucking hits me hard, that final understanding that i am left on my own, that there is nobody but myself left to oversee my well being, that i must take on the responsibility of not only myself, but my aging mother, that i ultimately decide that eating is a frivolous exchange in energy into a system that will leave me more drained than if i just chose not to participate in it to begin with. my choice to all of these immediate circumstances which overwhelm me, is apathy. why care- because it seems like nobody else does.
fucking awfully and constantly dysfunctional has been the main theme of my life and i'm so fucking helpless to doing anything about it. i know there's a better way, but fucking circumstance precents me from achieving any meaningful result. it is insanely frustrating. fuck this life, fuck it all.
