At 45, I've reconciled myself to the fact that I cannot change the past or change others' behavior. Therefore the only variable that I can change is how I comport myself. I, therefore, move forward with the singular conviction that I can change my path at any time, and am choosing not to because the path I'm on is what I've worked toward.

There's no "optimal" way to live. People will make more money than you, people will appear more successful than you. But they may also harbor a desire to have your freedom or individuality or creativity that they do not possess. Every path is a cage of sorts. Complete freedom can make you feel just as bad as being restricted to a certain role your whole life.

Men, in my experience, ultimately need to feel "useful", even if it's just to one other person. My recommendation is to find something useful to do and do that thing. Meaning and contentment in life doesn't derive from happiness, it derives from challenging yourself, having new experiences, and doing useful things.