I give up. Like yeah trump won that's great. But I'm still miserable.
I'm 24. Everyone in my family says I'm an alcoholic, but I question that analysis. But I do know my drinking is becoming worse.
I was born into a cult, molested when i was kid, parents divorced, picked on in school, I got epilepsy at 16 (controlled with meds, that I have to take for the rest of my fucking life)
I am absolutely terrified of death and diseases, I frequently worry I have cancer or some other chronic illness. I'm terrified of death.
I probably have undiagnosed autism.
I can barely look at people in the eyes, I'll use the same words often, multiple times even though it's not necessary. For example I use the word "unfortunately" and "in theory" way more than the average person.
I'm fucking retarded actually. I couldn't spell necessary a sentence ago and had to use auto-correct.
And for the cherry on top, I've forgotten most basic math.
Of course I can do basic shit like 10+10 or 20+20.
But if you ask me something like 34+48 it would unironically take me 2 minutes to figure it out.
Multiplication table has been wiped from the brain. Fractions have been wiped from my brain.
I've had girlfriends, and even sex multiple times, but the relationships never lasts because once the mask slips they see how much of a fucking freak loser I am.
So in theory I shouldn't be alive right?