I acted like a fool for 3 years; I was childish, wasted my time, and behavdd like a subhuman personally and publicly. Before that time I was a stable albeit somewhat odd and chaotic individual; but I cared about my image and felt like a man. But my own delusions blackmailed myself into a traumatic spiral that wiped my personality and with nothing left I went down the path of becoming an animal and a slob as I gave into every vice for vice’s own sake, going from someone with ambitious and concern about image to a degenerate, an addict, and a leech. I am older and yet I feel less than I did when I was younger because of all those nastinesses I did during that time Such a crime it was against myself because what I sought was to become someone higher; not lower. Now I am left with my shame and disgust at my past actions. I know I only have one life and want to move on, but how I behaved disturbs me and I am disgusted with my image from that time. One half of me wants me to be punished for how I behaved; for the sake of avenging the ideals of who I was before then. The other wants to move on with the hope I can reach and surpass who I once was and fulfill old and new hopes. But my image is stained and I acted with dishonor and it be like an invisible chain on my neck. I feel terrible about all of it but yet I want to continue from where I left off.