Every time English food is brought up, you get the same tired cope from continentals and Yanks about how it's "bland" or "terrible," but let’s be real—this is pure seethe. The full English breakfast alone mogs most other cuisines. Bacon, eggs, sausage, beans, black pudding, toast, mushrooms, tomatoes—all of it designed to fuel a man for a hard day's work. You think the British Empire was built on croissants and espresso? No, it was the full English that kept us big, strong, and ready to conquer.

Our American cousins understood this at some level but took it to the extreme. Instead of refining our tradition of hearty, functional food, they went full degen and stuffed everything with sugar and grease—hence, the cheeseburger. A bastardized, hyper-indulgent descendant of the great British breakfast.

And don’t even get me started on fish and chips or the Sunday roast—both absolute classics. Freshly fried cod with crispy chips, drowned in salt and vinegar? Perfect. Roast beef, Yorkshire pudding, potatoes, and gravy? Peak comfort food. The French can keep their butter-drenched nonsense, and the Italians can enjoy their overpriced plates of noodles. Meanwhile, we’ll be here, well-fed and thriving.

They hate English food because they wish they had something as iconic. Cope and seethe, lads.