Jesus: "Daddy!!!!!!! DADDY!!!!!!!!!"

Roman centurion: *muttering under breath* "Omg stfu."

Jesus: "DADDY!!!!! WHY HAVE YOU FORSAKEN MEEEE?????!!!"

Roman centurion: "lol wtf."

Jesus: "UH EXCUSE ME ROMANS!!! I'M THIRSTY UP HERE!!!!!"

*Romans kind of just pokerface for a second before one of them laughs and decides to humor the odd request.*

Roman centurion: "Here you go faggot. Hope this shuts you up for a while. Suck on this lol."

*Jesus sucks the sponge full of sour vinegar. His mouth is adept to sucking things so it works out well.*

Jesus: "Ahh that's better. Thanks guys!"

*Time passes.*

*Roman soldiers start gambling over Jesus' robe because it doesn't have any seams.*

Jesus: H-hey excuse me!! Uh, excuse me!!! That's not yours it's mine!!!"

*Romans ignore Jesus.*

Jesus: "This is boring!!!! DAD!!!! DADDY!!!!!!"

Roman centurion: "Fuck this!"

*Roman centurion goes over and spears Jesus in the side. Out gushes water and blood as well as shit and piss, covering the centurion.*

Roman centurion: "OH GODDAMNIT!!!!! WTF!!!! FUCK!!!!!"

Jesus: "OW BITCH THAT FUCKING HURT WTFFFFF!!!! NOW TAKE MY PEEPEE POOPOO!!!"

Roman centurion: "Goddamnit I'm gonna break this asshole's legs!!!"

*Jesus dies before he can.*

Roman centurion: "Goddamn slippery ass Jew."