>>22974920you're probably not going to be able to 'shock her' into being the caring, loving mother you deserved to have growing up, I'm afraid
I would nix that idea completely
she's likely dealing with damage of her own, and it's possibly unlikely that she even has the ability, or desire, or strength to fix it, or even begin to confront the problem
there are many people I've met who simply don't have it within them as a person to provide the sensitivity and warmth that they ought to
I do appreciate that your sympathy for her might be wearing thin right now, I just thought it was worth saying, because there's always two sides
but I'm not trying to excuse her behaviour—'neglect' is a strong word, which conjures a lot of images, but I would call what you're describing 'emotional neglect', and I feel strongly for you—for what you went through, and for what you're going through now
if you wanted to avoid SSRIs (for obvious reasons), you might ask about things like mirtazapine—not frontline, but doable if you have a depression diagnosis, and has a mild sedative effect (same mechanism as antihistamines IIRC, so nothing too strong)
anecdotally, it put me into a much more 'zen' state, without changing who I was as a person, or dulling me down—if it has the same effect on you, you'll be fully cognisant of an increased ability to tolerate the insanity of others: water off a duck's back
that sounds—at least to me—like it could be a really useful tool in your repertoire right now
just watch out for the munchies it can give you (there are anecdotes of people eating sugar directly out of the bag)
from what you've described: this is not your fault, how you feel is understandable, and I respect the hell out of you for wanting to do something about it before it gets out of hand
>https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9JE6rUwfckI 
