Found out today that Pan Piano, the YouTube cosplayer who plays anime openings in skimpy outfits, has a husband, three kids, a paid-off house, and a car. She films herself half-dressed pressing piano keys while millions of desperate guys throw money and praise at her like she’s some goddess. She barely talks, doesn’t even have to pretend she has a personality. And she’s set for life. Comfort, love, stability, attention, all of it handed to her for doing the bare minimum.

I’m 32. I did everything I was told to do. Got a computer science degree. No debt. Never slacked off. I worked part-time through college, pulled all-nighters, stayed disciplined while everyone else partied and hooked up. And for what. No one hired me. Every application either ignores me or tells me I don’t have enough experience. I can’t even get an interview for entry-level jobs. The degree means nothing. The hard work meant nothing. No one cares.

I work in a warehouse now. Twelve hour shifts under flickering lights. My back hurts constantly. Holidays are just longer days. I come home to my parents’ crumbling house in a dead town where nothing grows except regret. I make just enough to stay alive and not enough to leave.

Never had a girlfriend. Never been on a date. Never even kissed anyone. Still a virgin. No one’s ever looked at me with interest. I haven’t had a real friend since kindergarten. Every day is the same blank grey haze. I don’t even know why I keep going to work. There’s nothing to hope for. No light at the end. Just the same loop until I die. Can someone explain to me why I should bother to even get up tomorrow to work? I feel like I’m just finished and it never even started for me.