I didn’t used to understand the arguments against gay marriage, but now that I’m married, I do. It is offensive to equate my marriage with Katie to a typical homosexual polycule. To insinuate that our marriage is the same thing as an open relationship between 2 lesbians who scissor with their friends with benefits, or 5 men having an orgy where they eat each others’ AIDS-infested shit, is execrable.

Leave aside, for now, the extremely important fact that human life can only come from heterosexual unions – and it is obviously (though increasingly less so) impossible to overstate the importance of that fact. The very concept of monogamy, of only having sex with one person for the rest of your life, is exclusively a heterosexual invention, mostly grounded in religion, most especially Christianity.

I don’t need to tell you about Muslims and their polygamy, modeled after their prophet, the lying, promiscuous warlord Mohammed, and the Hindus with their infamous temples with murals of women having trains run on them by young braves and men raping donkeys. There's the Eastern religions with their incessant “fertility festivals” where parents send their daughters to receive the great honor of being raped by the village elders. We can't forget the pre-Christian religions like Greek and Roman paganism, which promoted promiscuity, sodomy and pedophilia as pleasing to the gods, or the Norse religion, with its celebration of rape and bestiality as shows of masculinity and virility.

No, monogamy is a strangely, bizzarely, inescapably heterosexual Christian thing. It is, at best, a quaint but understandable lifestyle choice to non-Christians, and totally alien, utterly incomprehensible, even offensive, to homosexuals.